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Tuesday, 19 January 2016

Dazed and confused

Yesterday, I read a post with the subject of motherhood. The writer used a dictionary definition for motherhood. Said definition defined by relating it to a child you give birth to.

I had the most visceral reaction to it. A reaction to which I'm still feeling the echoes of now. My normal rule of thumb for things that provoke a response from me on the internet goes like this: read>take a moment>respond. Yesterday it went something like this; read> FEELINGS>FEELINGS>RESPOND>FEELINGS.

As you can guess it didn't go so well. Things were said, tears were shed and I ruined the rest of my birthday all by myself. Ad then I started to try and unpack just why I responded the way I did. I mean, I'm a mother through that definition, so why would I get so upset.

A bit later it hit me. Because if that's the way the world sees a mother, then I'm stuck with mine. There's no getting away from it at all. And I strongly reject that with all that I am. The worst of me, I got from her. But the things that I feel really make me me, I got from the other mothers in my life. My aunty Daph, is the one who supports me entirely, is the one whose caring is not driving my who the world feels you should care about your child. She is my mother in all the ways that I feel a mother should be.

Then there have been a range of women who at the time I needed the sense of mother, are the ones who gave it to me.

So I stand by my reaction, I'm just trying to explain it a bit more clearly.

Ps. Guess who's seeing her therapist tomorrow ;)


  1. Aaaah honey! You know, I so appreciate you standing up for Mom's like me, who came to motherhood without giving birth. The fact that you get us, means a lot to Mom's like me.
    Having said that, I don't believe the author of the post was trying to be offensive or hurtful, the dictionary definition sucked, it's so out of date and not at all reflective of what modern motherhood is for so many of us.
    You're a gem, but Babe, you need to learn to not take things to heart you read on blogs, remember a blog is almost always opinion based anyway.
    Sorry it ruined the rest of your birth day!

    1. I know, I know. I'm blaming birthday triggering for it. Because normal I wait a bit before responding.

  2. I always overreact to things on my birthday - i think it's because my emotions are all right on the surface, waiting to take in all the "awesome" that I'm hoping for. Also, sometimes we need reactions to make others aware of the alternative that they obviously didn't think about before.

    1. Birthday emotions can be all kinds of ridiculous.

  3. Oh Cassey - I can feel your hurt and tears.


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Me in a nutshell: I game, read, tweet, enjoy good food, have bouts of red pen rage and I'm a coffee snob.

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