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Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Maybe my therapist wasn't quite all wrong about this

A recent therapy session was one of those "Don't make me look at this, do we have to?" sessions. And I cornered in on a realisation that I'm sure my therapist saw - it explains a lot that she'd been saying to me, especially about how I see things.



I blame Inside Out for this, by the way. We had watched it the weekend before I the session in question here. At my core, a core memory, an island of personality is the belief that I am a bad person. No amount of telling me otherwise will change it. And everything that seems "good" actually isn't and just adds to that.

My therapist says this isn't so. She says I'm not, and that my words do help. That part matters because I tell her about how I say yay you for folks, and do other words of encouragement things, but that it doesn't make me a good person. Because it takes very little for me to do that. And that I'm sure that anyone who thinks to do that, does it just so. And that it is what must be done, because that's how you help people.

Recently, I asked Cath (of the magic words) to help me with something. She did, because she is awesome that way. And I realised that maybe my words do mean something, because if she of the magic words says my words are magic...then maybe they are? (insert all the shocked no way, that can't be so thoughts and expressions you have, and that's me times 10000000)

Then there have been moments of reaching out to different folks...just with my words, just over a screen connection. And I think I've helped briefly. So maybe my therapist wasn't quite all wrong.

  6 comments:

  1. I can attest to this. I'd certainly consider you a good person from what I've seen of your words of encouragement and friendship and just chatting on social media :) I came to a realisation a little while ago that perhaps will ring true for you too? We all have light and dark inside us (cheesy I know), but you know it's easy to fall into the trap of believing that we're all dark wickedness under a veneer of niceness, while everyone else is just nice all the way through. That's not true. No one is all nice and "good" to their core, no one goes through life without making mistakes or hurting people (even unintentionally or in a fit of rage). This is the realisation I had to come to to make peace with myself and my own mistakes. All we can do is try our best to be a positive force in the lives of others and I've certainly seen you do that!

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    Replies
    1. Awww, thanks lady. Great realisation for you.

      It is very tricky for me. Because what I do, to my mind, is the bare minimum requirement for being a person. Saying yay you to someone, or you got this, or variations thereof is a given. It makes sense. It is not an act that makes me good. Make sense?

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    2. The thing is that you *bother* to do this. It might not be a lot of effort, but it's more effort than a lot of people put in. An act of goodness doesn't have to be difficult. It can be simple, but thoughtful. That's what your words are and that's their power. It's not the words themselves, it's the reaching-out, consideration or empathy behind them. :)

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    3. *insert shoulder shrug here*

      You sound just like my therapist. And as I told her, it's not a bother, it's a thing you do as a person. It's what people do.

      Delete
  2. You've definitely helped me, Cassey. I think I am the kind of person that sees the good in people but I can be hard on myself as well. I think in accepting ourselves (the light and dark as Tallulah says) we can become who we are called to be, if that makes sense.

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    Replies
    1. And now I'm just all kinds of shy and awkward.

      It does make sense. It's just the figuring out how to get there part that doesn't make sense.

      Delete

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