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Wednesday, 17 June 2015

On (not) being a successful grown-up

I've been a quiet lately due to two things: a state of near rage and feed-up with everything-ness, and a long weekend trip to PE. There'll be more on both later, but first I wanted to talk about a thought triggered by this post by Natasha at The Rabbit Haus.

A lot of what she says, just hit a lot of things I've been thinking about on the nose [and she says it so much better than I ever could ;)]. How I read what she's written, is that her focus tends to be on what we do and don't share with the world. What it brought to the front for me is what we use to measure our success or lack thereof as a grown-up. There seems to be this massive check list going around - or at least one that I didn't get signed-up for - on how you know you've succeeded at this being a grown-up business. 

The list seems to be made up of: 
  • seeing all the places, including extensive local and overseas travel at least twice a year
  • having all the new and shiny items
  • owning a house with more space than your family size requires
  • going to all the exclusive places
  • owning your own business, or being fairly high up on the work ladder
  • make oodles and oodles of money
  • being crafty/extra creative/great cook/great writer
  • be super healthy, and love exercise
  • generally having an instagram and pintrest worthy life, and most importantly never, ever let on how just how hard you work at/for those things, or that you have bad days

Based on the list that I've gleamed from what I've read and seen what other folks share, I so fail at being a successful grown-up. I even fail at a downsized version of the list - to which I'd include the have your driver's license. And I just can't help, but think that this comes from the massive disconnect we are going through.*

Much as there are all these tools and ways to foster friendships - new and old - and to keep in contact, those tools are also pushing all of our I suck at life buttons. When I see someone's holiday snaps, or new fun craft/creative thing they've done, or the before and after photos of a new exercise challenge I'm simultaneously yay you for them...and all what in the hell is wrong with me, that I can't do x.

I like to think that my saving grace is that I do the yay you for the person with the great thing, but man those feelings of failing at this one life I have to live, that I seem to be doing wrong and is just passing me by, is just all shades of ugly.

I'm working on those feelings by changing the blogs I read, folks I follow on Twitter, and moving away from Pinterest - I've not done instagram so that's once less thing pushing my buttons. I'm also working on creating my on list of what being a successful grown-up is, but it is so hard. And I'm struggling with moving away from those things we're told is important; a lot of which seems to be based on looking a certain way. Something I'm sure is in part due to being a women. For those things I'm going with what Caitlin Moran says: 

“I have a rule of thumb that allows me to judge, when times is pressing and one needs to make a snap judgment, whether or not some sexist bullshit is afoot. Obviously, it’s not 100% infallible but by and large it definitely points you in the right direction and it's asking this question; are the men doing it? Are the men worrying about this as well? Is this taking up the men’s time? Are the men told not to do this, as it's letting the side down? Are the men having to write bloody books about this exasperating retarded, time-wasting, bullshit? Is this making Jeremy Clarkson feel insecure?
Almost always the answer is no. The boys are not being told they have to be a certain way, they are just getting on with stuff.”

For everything else I'm just muddling along. But, I do know that my list will include reading, further education and travel in its final form. What does your list look like? How do you deal with seeing the fabulous (edited) lives of others?

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*It is also a disconnect that places an importance on things. Something I'll chat about more at another point though.







  2 comments:

  1. Ahh, I can't even tell you how long I've had all the Pinterest and Instagram envy! It's crazy, how bad the things we follow online can make us feel about ourselves and our lives... Yay you for spotting it and taking steps!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The envy struggle is real, and massive. I think it's going to be a continuous thing, just always refining how things work for me.

      Delete

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