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Thursday, 28 May 2015

On loneliness

There is nothing quite as lonely as the loneliness you experience when you're not alone. Yes, being a work at home mom means I get to be there for and with Keiden, but it can be bone achingly lonely.

No one tells you about this. Sure there are the cuddles and being there for new experiences, but you and a baby all day Monday to Friday takes a toll. Since Keiden was one week old, it's just been the two of us...and yes in the early days it was necessary. But once you're past the haze of adapting, you start to notice how much you miss getting to talk to people who aren't your husband. Your husband who's also tired, and had a work day, and tries to do the best he can to help you get your talk on...but who also needs his moment of just being.

Yes, you get out. Go for walks, sometimes see people...but you can't do that all day, everyday. So you suck it up...and deal...and forget just how much you enjoy being social with someone face to face till you get to do so again. Then you make yourself forget that you like being social, because otherwise it's just too hard. And you content yourself with twitter, blogs, and whatsapp.
You'd think it'd be easier with Keiden being bigger now, doing more. But it's harder now. Because he needs more from me, and my batteries recharge by being around people.

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Mandy is working on something, and asked me what's the one thing no one told you about. This came to mind.

  12 comments:

  1. I agree with you - it's bonecrushing. But that's also why I find it so awesome that we have our online communities to lean on. I didn't have Twitter and FB and all that when I was home alone with a baby all day, and I really wish I had. At one point, I thought I had legit flipped over to the mad side, because I felt so alone.

    But you're not. I promise X

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Online communities are the best. Without them, I have no idea how I would've gotten through those days where he just seemed to scream and scream.

      Ta Cath.

      Delete
  2. Oh boy, I would never be able to do it. I need to work outside the house for my own soul. I nearly did not make it through 4 months maternity leave every time. Call me a bad mom, whatever - I need the mental and social stimulation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're not a bad mom for knowing what you need, and doing it. I'm slowly working on changing things, but there's no office option for my work so it'll be slow going.

      Delete
  3. Absolutely - I totally get this! I loathe being along, at home or in the office. It actually makes me sad and I leave that space being miserable. Connecting with people makes me so happy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed, connection is happy making stuff.

      Delete
  4. Thank joy for being brave and sharing this my friend. So many of us feel lonely so much of the time, but we do as we do - pushing it aside and soldiering on; until someone has the strength to say it out loud so we feel safe enough to admit to it too. Sending all the love xx

    ReplyDelete
  5. Why not try to organise play dates? That way he is occupied and you get a break. After Jack I remember talking to anyone and everyone who would stand still long enough!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I do, but it isn't an everyday thing. I also do that overtalking thing :)

      Delete
  6. It's hard for an extrovert. I SKIPPED out of here at 5 months...😜

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. True, being an extrovert makes it hard. But a recent article read has shown me that introverts struggle with it too; they don't get to be really alone. So it seems it's just plain old tough.

      Delete

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