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Wednesday, 27 May 2015

On feelings

Lately it feels as if I've been having all the feelings. Something which doesn't sit well with me at all. I find it so strange that I'm this awkward with emotion.  And by awkward I mean really uncomfortable with it all besides telling Jerall and Keiden that I love them.

As I'm typing this I'm struggling to remember when [if] last I told someone besides them that I loved them. Or cared for them...or anything really. I'm quite perturbed by this all. It's not helping me do my fake it till I make it or ignore it till it goes away. I just...don't know.

This being a grown-up, and what makes you an adult business is tough.

And to top off all this feeling there's another bout of I'm such a loser going on. I failed my driver's again. My nerves get in my way. So much so that my instructor says that I need something to calm me down, because rescue doesn't work. With driving everything goes a-okay, till the day before the test...then nothing works. And it's so frustrating because before that it's all going well, and I'm feeling good...till I'm not.

Added to that we checked out a playgroup/day care/school for Keiden yesterday. They're lovely, tick all the boxes, but they won't let me do the settle him in process the way I want to. My plan was go with him at first, get him used to the space, and then slowly leave him there alone for longer and longer periods till he was eventually doing his half day by himself. They say it'll be easier if we start the way we mean to carry on. Guys, that just seems so cruel to do that to him. He's hardly ever not had a parent with him. Gah. Any thoughts on this would be great.


  1. Every child goes through a period of having at least one of his parents with him all the time. And most of them end up going to some kind of day care, whether it be part time or full time. Some of them take longer than others to settle into it but I don't know of a 30 year old who is still traumatised by having been left at day care when he was a baby. Seriously.

    I don't do "I love you." I don't think I've said it to anyone in more than 13 years. Not my husband, not my kids, not my mother or anyone else. Unless you count the time I thought it (silently) at David a few months ago...

    Also, some people take a bunch of tries to get their license. It happens. Don't beat yourself up. Maybe think of it as a "mock" test or just another lesson when you go again?

    1. The day care thing is tough for me, because I know how long he takes to feel settled. But you're right, it's going to happen eventually, and at least it's a half day now.

      The I love you is so tricky. Because there are many ways of showing you care, but doe the person you're showing it to get it?

      Ja, but there'll be a break now, because I just can't afford it again. So have to save for it all for a few months.

  2. I think K will be fine at school. Ours have always had a parent or much loved Granny with them every second of their lives, but all have adjusted to being dropped at school and left. Sometimes I think it's harder for us, than it is for them.

    1. You're right. It is probably much harder for us than them. Ag, this parenting gig is just worrying all the time.


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