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Thursday, 17 July 2014

It all seems to be

This never ending chase. It feels like we're just chasing after the next milestone. Doing what we can to help him achieve the next thing. It's like a never ending cycle of "What comes next?" First there was the smile, then the moving on to slightly longer stretches of sleeping, then rolling and sitting, and laughter, and solids, and and and. And the one thing that is really supposed to be a big help, and normalise things - or at least remind you that you're not alone, and others wonder the same thing you do - isn't helping.

Suddenly those others parents and their babies have you questioning what you're doing, what your baby is achieving. And it's just so hard not to compare, and not to feel judged. And then you realise that it'll never end. There'll always be something...and that it needs to stop. But how do you make it stop? Not talking to others isn't going to help anybody.

Is this just another form of the constant competition that people find themselves in? It seems to me that we're all always in a form of competition. Conversations seem like areas of one-upmanship: it's either my good day is better, or my bad day is worse, or I'm so busy. Or is this just something that only I see, and I only see it because of insecurity pushing me to see how I'm not worthy because I don't do x?

Clearly I'm still grappling with the Brene Brown talk. Which is also peculating in there with a new blog find - renegade mothering; in particular this and this. Is anything I just said making sense to anyone else; or is it just another stranger thought tangent my mind takes?


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