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Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Whacked out thinking

It just hit me yesterday, it's been over a year of me being a smaller me. Yes, there've been some ups and downs, but mostly I've maintained a size 34 - even recently hitting that smaller number on some outfits. Cause for celebration you'd think, but it's not. I barely even registered this achievement - it's an achievement, it's hard work getting healthy, and avoiding candy and cake - because it just wasn't good enough. My tummy's not flat enough, my arms too flabby...let's not get started on the thigh - hip - butt area, it's all just not good enough, I must do better.

That got me thinking why isn't it good enough for me? Surely if friends and acquaintances notice, and comment in the positive on the change, why isn't the change good enough for me? This of course lead to more pondering and the continuing realisation that it's not just me suffering from this just not good enough whacked out thinking. It is bikini season after all :-/.

You'd think with it being a continuing realisation that I'd stop being surprised at this mode of operating, but it's not, and it's all just dumb. Why, oh why, do we keep on falling for this stupid societal construction of what a body is supposed to be? Why despite so many of us either having gender studies be the focus of our academic careers - I'm not the only one in that boat, right? - or just reading stories about women who dare to not shave do we give in to this thinking?

Sure we all read Susie, or Judith or Laura and completely agree - well almost - with what they say, and swear "I'll do it. I'll change my thinking, now that I've really noticed the crazy," and it sticks for a little while, but then...bam it's bikini season. I know this rant isn't really helping, but it might just remind you to check you're thinking on this crazy obsession on being beach ready - scratch that on looking good, because after all whose looking good are you aiming for?

Now excuse me while I go reread Bodies and Gender Trouble.

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