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Friday, 8 April 2011

Making sense of things

So my sister told me a little while ago that my father has cancer. I italicised father because I have 4 fathers: biological, the man who is my brother and sister's father and my adopted one, my stepfather, and an uncle. My uncle and aunt, and cousins were the folks I lived with during high school, who gave me stability and a sense of what a family should really be like. My father -biological parent of siblings - is the same man who beat the crap out of my mother during their marriage. One of the reasons I'm on the outs with her, is that a lot of my memories involving me, holding my brother and sister under the blankets trying to cover their ears so they didn't hear him and her fight and him beat her up, all the while thinking that I need to do something. No 8/9 year old should ever go through that, sadly to many of us do. She finally left him when I was about 11. So you can see lots of issues with both of them.

Added to those issues, is that my immediate family has know for months. They even kept it from my sister when she was writing her matric exams last year. My sister says he's doing ok, and that I should sort my issues out - a lot of wisdom for a month away from 19 :0. I just don't know what to do. I've not been talking to my mother tell I'm ready to deal with our issues, and now this. It's just thrown me so badly. My brother and sister are doing fine, aside from their issues - gah we're a messed up lot, but really what do you do in this situation?

Some people might find it inappropriate to put all this out there for anyone to see, but who cares. If I'm not ashamed about it, then why should it bother you?


  1. I dont understand why you'd turn against your mom when she was being physically abused by your dad. She did the right thing by leaving him.
    Go sort out things with your mom.. she deserves much more than your dad, IMO.

  2. Ani, my mother issues are partly because of her putting her children through the years of her getting abused, and things she's done that a mother shouldn't do - a different post for another time. My mother does have my stepfather now, and he is great.

  3. I take it this is not your bio dad but your sister's bio dad? I really do not know - I would not want anything to do with him.

  4. Yip, my sister and brothers biological father.

  5. Gosh! I actually have no words :( D has a similar situation with his dad/s - and I can actually see this possible happening in my future with my kids :(

    Hugs and love chic! You do whats right for YOU and only YOU!

  6. Laura, your kids have you and D, and you're awesome. So if something like this had to happen to them, they'd be ok. Thanks for the hugs.


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