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Wednesday, 14 April 2010

There's way too much time, and too little

I'm the worst self motivator in the world. Case in point I have a pretty long to-do list, but because the it needs to be done by date keeps on shifting, nothing gets done. The list includes:
*booking my learner's test, but I keep on putting it off because of the long waiting period and the fact that we might move
*getting more exercise, which I put off cos I have no one to do it with
*doing more with the online projects I'm involved with, this I put off because I feel I have nothing to contribute to them
*starting to learn another language - blame the funk
*work on my thesis - blame the funk
*sort out my "blogs i read list" aka blog roll - blame the funk

I've just been in this weird funk, and with no one to talk to about it face to face and say "Cassey, stop being silly" it's just hanging around getting in the way of me doing things. I hate that I'm becoming such a grumpy person when honestly, although things seem kinda crappy to me, I know that it isn't as bad as it is in my mind.

Sometimes I wonder if leaving that crappy-ass, stress myself sick job was the best move, but then I remember if I hadn't done that I wouldn't have been able to go with J to Jhb for the last few months of last year. Also that if I was still there I'd probably be sick as hell. Sounds like an exaggeration, but it isn't. I'm a worry wort of note, I get anxious easily all of which leads to stressing out about sometimes the silliest things. When I was at the horrid job I had eczema, a weird scalp thing that wasn't just on my scalp, but on my face too and the worst chest pains, which I was assured is all cos of stressing. I digress,I know that I sometimes miss the job because of some of the people there were great and it was an everyday social experience; something I really miss. Sometimes I'll go days in a room and not see a single soul I know, and for me it's pretty tough because I'm a social person.

The worst is whenever I think things are finally sorted, like after a promising job interview or us deciding we're just going to move back to CT by x date, something happens to change it. And the funk starts all over again. Then there's also realising that a really good friendship is over and working at not giving into the anger and calling her a b*tch via e-mail/sms/phone or her facebook wall. Seriously that part sucked, but in the process of not wasting my energy on things I can't change she's gotten off lucky.

Apologies for the downer post, tomorrow I shall be cheerful.

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Me in a nutshell: I game, read, tweet, enjoy good food, have bouts of red pen rage and I'm a coffee snob.

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